Almost no information assessing women’s responses to a male partner pretending to experience orgasm or responses to this deception in casual relationships

Brewer G. (2019) Deceiving for and During Sex. In: Docan-Morgan T. (eds) The Palgrave Handbook of Deceptive Communication. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-319-96334-1_29

Abstract: Romantic and sexual relationships form an important part of the social landscape. These relationships are however vulnerable to deception, which may occur prior to intercourse (in order to obtain sex) or during sex (for a range of reasons including enhancement of relationship satisfaction). The current chapter details the use of deception to obtain sex, e.g., the use of ‘false advertising’ to attract a partner and the use of deception during sex such as pretending to experience orgasm and infidelity. Throughout the chapter, important differences between men and women are highlighted.

Keywords: False advertising Infidelity Online dating Orgasm Sex differences Sexting Deceptive self-presentation

---
Though women are more likely than men to pretend to experience orgasm during sexual intercourse (Thornhill, Gangestad, & Comer, 1995), men also engage in this form of deception. Specifically, 25% of heterosexual men report having pretended to experience orgasm on at least one occasion (Muehlenhard & Shippee, 2010). This may involve a range of verbal signals (e.g., moaning, saying that they were close to orgasm) or changing body movement (e.g., increasing strength or speed of thrusting prior to “finishing”). Compared to women, men are more likely to change body movements (e.g., thrusts) and less likely to moan or alter their breathing rate (Muehlenhard & Shippee, 2010). Similar to women, men may pretend to experience orgasm because they feel that orgasm has taken too long and want the sex to end or wish to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings. They are also more likely to pretend while intoxicated or after experiencing orgasm earlier the same day (Muehlenhard & Shippee, 2010). For example, Muehlenhard and Shippee (2010) report that one man explained “One night after a couple hours of heavy drinking I was talking to this girl on my floor and apparently I was hitting on her. One thing led to another and I started sobering up during sex so I faked to make her go away… She is unattractive / annoying [and I] wanted to get her off me…when my senses came about and I took my drunk goggles off” (p. 558). Men may also choose to pretend when they do not want the partner to know that they have not experienced orgasm, which may reflect societal expectations that men should always be prepared for intercourse (Zilbergeld, 1999). For a minority of men, pretending may be used to conceal incidence of premature ejaculation (Steiner, 1981). However, relatively few studies have investigated the use of pretending to experience orgasm by men, and additional research in this area is required.

Factors Influencing the Likelihood of Pretending to Experience Orgasm
There is considerable variation with regard to the frequency of pretending to experience orgasms and motivations for this behavior. The status and quality of the sexual relationship itself are particularly important. For example, pretending to experience orgasm is most common among single compared to married women (Darling & Davidson, 1986), and more frequent among lesbian and bisexual women compared to heterosexual women (Cooper, Conner, & Fauber, 2010). Furthermore, women whose partners are less tolerant and agreeable are most likely to pretend to experience orgasm (Ellsworth & Bailey, 2013). Numerous studies have highlighted the relationship between pretending to experience orgasm and the risk of infidelity.

Detection and Consequences
Previous research indicates that men place considerable importance on their partner’s orgasm (McKibben, Bates, Shackelford, Hafen, & LaMunyon, 2010) and may therefore question partners about their experience or attend to likely orgasm cues (e.g., vocalizations, breathing rate). Despite men’s interest in their partner’s orgasm, detection rates (i.e., the ability to detect when a woman is pretending) appear to be low. Indeed only 55% of men report that they can recognize when their partner is pretending to experience orgasm (Mialon, 2012). Furthermore, men report that their partner pretends to experience orgasm less frequently than their partners report engaging in this behavior (Ellsworth & Bailey, 2013). Though this form of deception is often successful, the consequences can be substantial. Indeed, the reactions of men who become aware that their partners have pretended to experience orgasm are similar to men responding to a partner’s infidelity (e.g., anger, betrayal; Shackelford, Leblanc, & Drass, 2000). Hence, though pretending to experience orgasm is a form of deception frequently performed by women, there is an inherent risk that it may threaten the stability and integrity of the relationship. At present, there is a paucity of information assessing women’s responses to a male partner pretending to experience orgasm or responses to this deception in casual relationships.