Consensual non-monogamous relationships: Not necessarily less satisfying or less stable, some individuals can experience psychological need fulfillment and satisfying relationships with concurrent partners

Wood J, Quinn-Nilas C, Milhausen R, Desmarais S, Muise A, Sakaluk J (2021) A dyadic examination of self-determined sexual motives, need fulfillment, and relational outcomes among consensually non-monogamous partners. PLoS ONE 16(2): e0247001. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0247001

Abstract: Intimate and sexual relationships provide opportunity for emotional and sexual fulfillment. In consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships, needs are dispersed among multiple partners. Using Self-Determination Theory (SDT) and dyadic data from 56 CNM partnerships (112 individuals), we tested how sexual motives and need fulfillment were linked to relational outcomes. We drew from models of need fulfillment to explore how sexual motives with a second partner were associated with satisfaction in the primary relationship. In a cross-sectional and daily experience study we demonstrated that self-determined reasons for sex were positively associated with sexual satisfaction and indirectly linked through sexual need fulfillment. Self-determined reasons for sex predicted need fulfillment for both partners at a three-month follow up. The association between sexual motives and need fulfillment was stronger on days when participants engaged in sex with an additional partner, though this was not related to satisfaction in the primary relationship. Implications for need fulfillment are discussed.

Some Implications

Our findings have implications both for intimate and sexual partners wishing to enhance their relationship(s) and clinicians working with CNM and monogamous individuals/couples. Promoting self-determined reasons for engaging in sex could encourage partners to engage in sexual interactions that are more likely to fulfill their needs (e.g., having sex when they are excited about the activity, rather than to avoid conflict). Encouraging partners to explore why they may be having sex for less self-determined reasons, and how they may shift to having sex for more self-determined reasons, is one strategy clinicians can use to promote relational well-being. Clinicians working with CNM partners can also encourage individuals to communicate and express continued affection and desire for established partners when new relationships occur in order to maintain sexual and relationship satisfaction in the primary dyad.

The current research also has implications for individuals in CNM communities. Popular assumptions of romantic relationships position CNM partnerships as less satisfying or less stable compared to monogamous relationships [6,20]. CNM partners in the current research noted high levels of satisfaction and sexual need fulfilment with both their first and second partners. Moreover, a concurrent sexual partnership did not appear to have significant detrimental effects on the first relationship. These findings verify what CNM researchers and advocates have previously emphasized: that for some, CNM relationships are a viable and fulfilling alternative to monogamy, and one of many approaches to encouraging personal growth and fulfillment [49]. These results may help to destigmatize CNM partnerships as they confirm that individuals can experience psychological need fulfillment and satisfying relationships with concurrent partners.

Finally, research on sexual behaviour, and on CNM generally, has been criticized for lacking theoretical frameworks [4,21,42,78]. The current studies contribute to a growing body of research that utilizes social psychological approaches to the study of sexual behaviour and emphasizes the importance of sexuality to relational well-being [36,42,45,52,71]. The research provides a theoretical context within which to understand the associations between sexual motives, need fulfilment, and relational outcomes in relationships where sexual and emotional needs are met by multiple partners, thus expanding the experiences represented in the social psychological literature.